If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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