is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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