Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
