Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize