Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
