I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
