I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to be your penis for a week.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize