he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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