So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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