You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
