Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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