My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
