I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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