It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
