He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
