The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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