so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
