Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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