I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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