I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She is in my trunk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize