You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
