i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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