i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
