I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize