Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
