im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
