K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
