The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
