Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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