i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
