you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just want nice things and good sex
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
