yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your penis caused this!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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