yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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