How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
