A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
