She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
