I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
