Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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