forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
