Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize