he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
