I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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