Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
