now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
