his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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