she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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