It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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