If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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