is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
