I wish I could punch you in the face.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
