I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
