at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
