I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize