i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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