i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
