Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
