I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
