i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
