i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
