He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
