Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You smell like stripper and shame
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
