Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your cock deserves a montage
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
