Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
