Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
